Stellar Economic Advice from All-American Crooner Pat Boone

These are tough economic times and here at the GTB we have been wondering, what we can do to better follow biblical economic principles. Luckily, back in 2006 when investigating a story about Pat Robertson's ability to leg press 2,000 lbs. and the nutritious shake that allowed him to do so, we went undercover and signed up for the Christian Broadcasting Network's e-Newsletter. Usually, we delete their e-mails and curse this blog for letting them in our inbox, but today, we stopped and read. The subject of the message was: "The Shocking Truth About Money -- PAT BOONE". We love money and we love Pat Boone so we opened it.

What we learned was SHOCKING. America has been defying the bible and Jesus by not investing in gold. Pat Boone assures us that "Gold is amazing! It's morally-correct money which conserves AND grows wealth liberally." He also offers to send us an audio FAQ about why we should obey God by buying gold and about a company called Swiss America that can help us to do so.

Never in a million years would we have guessed that research for this blog would lead us to Pat Boone and his economic advice. We don't have any money to invest in gold right now because all of our silly liberal money is invested in a foreign wind company, but we have already asked my HR departments if we can henceforth be paid only in precious metals. Jesus will like that and so will Pat Boone.