Wisconsin: The My Genitals Are On Fire State

I have always had a sneaking suspicion that Wisconsin might be a boring place. Now, I've never been there and I'm not sure I know anybody from there, so this is probably very judgmental of me. That being said, I have confirmation that things must be awful there because only in a place where things were truly awful, would the following conversation take place (the following conversation is not a direct quotation, merely an assumption based on evidence presented on the internet. So...no factual basis whatsoever.):

Jared W. Anderson, 20: Hey Randell, I'm pretty drunk.
Randell D. Peterson, 43: Really?
Jared W. Anderson, 20: Yeah. Drunk and bored. How about I pull down my pants and you can spray me with lighter fluid and set my genitals on fire.
Randell D. Peterson, 43: Ok.

Randall D. Peterson is charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment and faces 10 years in prison. Jared W. Anderson is expected to recover. The pair got the idea for the stunt from "Jackass the Movie".

Chivalry Not Dead in Wisconsin

In Oconomowoc, Wisconsin on February, 12th, James Van Iveren thought he heard a woman being raped in the apartment above his. Iveren grabbed his family's heirloom cavalry sword and charged out of the apartment he shares with his mother. After banging on his neighbor's door, Van Iveren kicked the door in and demanded that his neighbor tell him where he was keeping the damsel in distress. It turns out Van Iveren had actually heard screams from a porn movie his neighbor was watching. He has been charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct. The combined misdemeanors could carry up to a 33-month jail sentence. When asked to comment, Van Iveren said, "Now I feel stupid. This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake." Police have taken possession of Van Iveren's sword.

Shouldn't he be covered by some sort of Good Samaratin law? You know like, you perform CPR on somebody who has keeled over, they can't sue you for breaking their ribs. Or, you bust in on your neighbor watching porn tapes and force him, at swordpoint, to show you around his apartment to prove that he isn't raping somebody...ok maybe it isn't the same thing, but 33 months in jail seems a tad excessive. If I were the judge I would have him pay retribution in the form of: 1 set of headphones for his upstairs neighbor and perhaps suggest that one of them consider moving in order to avoid an awkward encounter at the mailbox.