One Woman's Unbe-weave-able Story of Survival

A Kansas City woman is alive today thanks to an unlikely hero...her hair weave! The woman was shot in the back of the head by her ex-boyfriend (who just prior to the shooting claimed he still loved her). Miraculously the woman's hair weave STOPPED THE BULLET. She escaped unscathed and police have arrested her ex-boyfriend.

I couldn't even find an appropriate graphic for this story because it is just so outrageous. You really need to see the video. That is one amazing weave. I wonder if the government knows that hair weaves can stop BULLETS. They should get Jessica Simpson to lead an infantry division in the Baghdad!

Chris Brown's Dad Clears Things Up

Chris Brown's father, Clinton Brown, commented this week on the allegations that his son beat his girlfriend, musical sensation, Rihanna, before the Grammy Awards last week, we feel much better about the situation:

"This is unfortunate, this stumble, this situation. Hopefully, he will get past it. We all have our shortcomings. We all trip."

He makes it sound like Chris Brown hit an unexpected patch of black ice (in Los Angeles) and accidentally busted up Rihanna's face on his way to the ground. He is right though, we all have our shortcomings, we are just glad that our shortcomings don't include smacking around our girlfriends.

Sad about Chris Brown and Rihanna? Here's a story
about a man who mailed a traffic ticket covered in mysterious white powder (that turned out to be instant pudding) into a police station causing the station to be evacuated and forcing 2 station employees into quarantine.

It is Our Honor to Present...

Say you got a dead fish in the mail, and the dead fish was covered in white powder, and we live in an era of post 9/11 paranoia, what would you do? If you are Maureen McCarthy, a senior adviser for weapons of mass destruction intelligence programs at the Department of Homeland Security, you would put the fish (white powder and all) in your car, drive your car to your workplace, and park your car full of white powder covered dead fish threat under the ventilation shaft for your building. The FBI closed McCarthy's building on Friday while they investigated the incident.

To her credit, she did call the security department for the building and ask them what to do, so the incident might not be 100% her fault. Also to, answer my own question, if I got a dead fish covered in white powder in the mail, I would probably eat it as I'm much more worried about the economy than I am about terrorism. I'd also send a thank you note to Jono and Brennan since they are my best guesses for the senders.

*Thanks to Reebs for the Hot Tip!

I am Running out of Companies to Buy Gas From

In 1998 there was a shooting on a Chevron oil rig off the coast of Nigeria that left 2 unarmed protesters dead. The peaceful protest was staged by villagers who sought jobs as compensation for the damage the rig had done to their fisheries and farmland. After the shooting, the villagers sued Chevron and (shockingly) lost. Now Chevron, presumably in an attempt to discourage any future law suits, is suing the villagers to recoup their legal fees. Chevron is asking for $495,000 ($190,000 for copy costs alone). You might recall that Chevron made $23.8 Billion in profits last year, good thing since they had to spend all that money on copies. I'm sure the Nigerian villagers will be able to pony up the cash if they put off getting their greedy little mouths on clean drinking water for another hundred years.

P.S. Does "Human Energy" make anyone else think that Chevron fuels its refineries with human souls or maybe babies?

Of All the Things You Could Smuggle from Dubai

An Australian man, returning from a trip to Dubai, was arrested for smuggling 2 pigeon eggs, 2 live pigeons, and an undeclared eggplant through customs. The man was detained after officials found the eggs in a vitamin container. The subsequent search yielded the 2 live pigeons, wrapped in padded envelopes and shoved inside the mans pants. No word on where they found the eggplant.

Why bother with pigeons when you could leave Dubai with pants full of crude oil? I'm also not sure why he bothered with the padded envelopes. Looks like the pigeons could have been quite cozy in that mangrove he is masquerading as leg hair.