Chris Brown's Dad Clears Things Up

Chris Brown's father, Clinton Brown, commented this week on the allegations that his son beat his girlfriend, musical sensation, Rihanna, before the Grammy Awards last week, we feel much better about the situation:

"This is unfortunate, this stumble, this situation. Hopefully, he will get past it. We all have our shortcomings. We all trip."

He makes it sound like Chris Brown hit an unexpected patch of black ice (in Los Angeles) and accidentally busted up Rihanna's face on his way to the ground. He is right though, we all have our shortcomings, we are just glad that our shortcomings don't include smacking around our girlfriends.

Sad about Chris Brown and Rihanna? Here's a story
about a man who mailed a traffic ticket covered in mysterious white powder (that turned out to be instant pudding) into a police station causing the station to be evacuated and forcing 2 station employees into quarantine.

That's an Actual Job?!?

InTouch Weekly is reporting that after his alleged suicide attempt Owen Wilson's family and friends were demanding that he head straight to rehab. Wilson doesn't think he needs to go and instead has hired a "sober companion" at a cost of $750 a day.

You mean to tell me that there are people who get paid $750 a day to not be drunk or high on drugs? Has Hollywood really gone so nuts that if you want to be around someone who isn't coked out you have to pay them $274,000 a year? I could understand if you had to say, keep Britney out of the Taco Bell or keep Senator Craig out of the Men's bathroom, but if all you have to do is keep yourself not intoxicated, yeah, that sounds pretty much like a cake walk. Where do I sign up? I'm available for sober companionship 9-5 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and every other Thursday.

Keith Richards Makes Bad Choices

Feeling uncomfortable about having your loved one's ashes turned into stunning jewelry? Here's another option for you! Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones admitted in a recent People Magazine article that 5 years ago, he mixed his father's ashes with cocaine and snorted them. The rocker told People, "He was cremated, and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared."

They should have a Hall of Fame for Rock Star bad ideas. They could have a whole exhibit about Michael Jackson's "Slumber Parties" and clumps of Britney's old hair.

*Thanks to Maridith for the tip.

Formal Announcements!

We are followers and since everybody is doing it, we want to do it too! Please pay attention to the following announcements:

Scooter of the highly informative Good Times Blog would like to formally announce his candidacy for "father of Dannielynn". Scooter says that he really loved Anna Nicole and would like nothing more than to be the father of the 5-month-old. Scooter joins Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, the fake prince, Anna Nicole's body guard, and her deceased husband in the bid for custody.

Lulu of the incredibly witty and always hilarious Good Times Blog would like to formally announce her candidacy for President of the United States. Being the only person not running, Lulu has decided to join the fight and promises to change her political position so often that you will never be completely sure what she stands for (think Mitt Romney), but assures you that, like most politicians, she won't actually do anything once elected, so it doesn't really matter what she believes.

We hope you, our readers, will support us in our individual endeavors.

Anna Nicole Not Gonna Be Buried Anytime Soon

A life story that couldn't get more bizarre has taken a final grisly twist. A judge ruled today that Anna Nicole Smith's body will be preserved pending a paternity hearing scheduled for February 20th. Lawyers for Larry Birkhead, one of the men claiming to be the father of Smith's baby Dannielynn, are worried that someone might pull a "bait and switch" with the child and would like for Anna to remain available if confirmation of Dannielynn's identity is required.

I'm not sure why they need to keep ALL of Anna Nicole around. If I remember from that time I got my degree in Biology, you don't need a whole body for a DNA sample (I slept through the majority of Genetics, but I think I would have remembered this one). Do they plan to haul her into court and perform the testing there, just to make sure the DNA used to confirm Dannielynn's identity came from the actual Anna Nicole? I don't think they'd go through this much effort to confirm who is the rightful King of England, but I guess Dannielynn could end up being worth more. What a sad and sort of sick ending. I hope when this is all over, Anna will finally find some peace. She'll just have to wait another 12 days.

Drum Roll Please...

While we can't confirm this from a reputable source (I found this article on E Canada Now and China Daily), the world is all a-buzz that Britney Spears is planning to adopt a baby from Africa (mirroring her idol Madonna who kidnapped a baby from Africa just this week). So, Scooter and I play this game called "Would You Rather" and this is a PERFECT scenario:

Would you rather live in an African Orphanage or have Kevin Federline and Britney Spears as your parents?

Tough call, but definitely a Tara-ble idea (even if it isn't true, it came from somewhere and wherever that somewhere is, it is a land of tara-ble ideas and should be recognized as such).