A New Battle for the Teletubbies

I was going to post about the upcoming "2nd Cold War" that appears to be brewing with Russia, but then I found a story about an even bigger battle facing the Teletubbies, reaffirming their asexuality.

You may remember that about 8 years ago, the late Jerry Falwell raised concerns about the sexual orientation of the huggable and loveable purple teletubby, Tinky Winky. Because of his purpleness, triangle shaped antenna (or whatever that thing is on his head) and his beloved purse, lots of people have questioned which team Tinky Winky plays for. Now Poland is joining the list of groups who are demanding clarification of Tinky Winky's ambiguity.

Poland's Ewa Sowinska, "government-appointed children rights watchdog" has just realized that Tinky Winky is a allegedly a boy and that he definitely carries a handbag. She had vowed to have psychologists investigate the case, until the Polish Parliamentary Speaker, Ludwig Dorn, warned her against turning her department "into a laughing stock".

I'm not completely sure how this keeps coming up. If I were Tinky Winky, I would get on the phone with Ted Haggard. Ted somehow got the world to believe he's straight after he had a 3-year long drug-fueled affair with a male prostitute! I'm sure he can put Tinky Winky in touch with the right people to help "straighten" this out.

Is It Cold In Here?

There is trouble in paradise and the GTB thinks that somebody better fix this before we end up starring in "Cold War II: Time To Learn Russian".

It all started last week when U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates said in testimony to Congress, “We don’t know what’s going to develop in places like Russia and China, in North Korea, in Iran and elsewhere”. Being grouped with the Axis of Evil (and China) was a bit of a slap in the face to Russia who thought that after a few years of on-again/off-again dating, things with the U.S. were finally getting serious.

Then, over this past weekend, a jilted Vladimir Putin spoke at the Munich Conference on Security Policy in Germany and had this to say about the U.S.:

“We are seeing a greater and greater disdain for the basic principles of international law. And independent legal norms are, as a matter of fact, coming increasingly closer to one state's legal system. One state and, of course, first and foremost the United States, has overstepped its national borders in every way. This is visible in the economic, political, cultural and educational policies it imposes on other nations. Well, who likes this? Who is happy about this?” (It actually got worse from there. You can see the whole transcript, here).

The U.S. response to Russia was, “One Cold War was quite enough.” (to be read “settle down, you are acting crazy!”). Now Gates is heading to Russia to try to make nice with Putin.

The GTB suggests that Gates bring Russia something nice, maybe take a gander at this website we found about flower giving customs in Russia. For Valentine’s Day, the site suggests the following: “If you want to impress your beloved ones, you can give a heart-shaped centerpiece of fresh flowers.” Who knows if it will really smooth things over, but maybe it will keep the U.S. from sleeping on Russia's couch this Valentine's Day.