Did She Just Say Maryland???

So if you click on the picture of the pretty lady on the left, you will go to a YouTube video with the audio from Oklahoma State Senator Sally Kern going off about gays. An Oklahoma state Senator gay bashing at a luncheon is sort of old news, but...if you listen carefully, about half-way through, between where she says gays are worse than "terrorists and Islam", but before she says gays and their high school clubs will destroy America, she says that gays have taken over city councils all over America! She gives 4 examples. One was Kensington, Maryland. Another was Takoma, Maryland (presumably she meant Takoma Park which DOES have a bunch of gays on their city council). You know you are doing something right when Oklahoma State Senators are using you as an example of all that is wrong with America!

Fool Me Once...Shame on You...Fool Me Eight Times...uh...You Can't Get Fooled Again

Everybody's favorite Toe-Tappin' Senator, Larry Craig, remains under the hot lights about his alleged affairs or attempts at affairs with men who are not his wife. Craig's hometown paper now claims to have accounts from 8 men stating that they either had sex with Craig or were propositioned for sex by Craig.

First off, I can't believe we are still talking about this. Larry Craig should have pulled a Ted Haggard, headed to Gay Rehab, and then had a church board declare him heterosexual (or cured). Instead, he keeps denying it which angers the people who he did it with, which makes them come forward because even men who get paid for sex have enough dignity to hate being called liars. Let's be honest folks, could there possibly be 8 men in this world who hate Larry Craig enough to lie about having sex with him? If they didn't have sex with him, they are only punishing themselves by claiming that they did.

When will the Larry Craigs of the world learn that if you are going to are going to have an affair that will ruin your career, have it with somebody who has as much to lose as you do. For instance Larry Craig and Ted Haggard could have had a rather lovely romance, but no...instead they both called the same male prostitute who in turn ratted them both out. These are the people we have running our nation? Where is their sense of patriotism? If you are going to be in government, you either have to be able to tell the truth and deal with the consequences (HA!) or able to successfully execute a cover-up...Larry Craig can do neither and that alone is reason enough to kick him back to Idaho.

A Republican Rides the Stallion!

Another one bites the dust!

Have you heard the story about the anti-gay right winger who ended up being a flaming homo?

No, not Larry Craig.

No, not Ted Haggard.

No, not Mark Foley.

No, not Bob Allen.

There's a new one. Washington State Representative Richard Curtis has found himself in the center of a gay sex/extortion "problem".

The SeattleTimes reports: But from the start of Curtis' trouble — when he awoke in Spokane's fanciest hotel after a night of sex with a man known in some circles as "Stallion" who said he had left with Curtis' wallet and explicit photos of the legislator — he was hoping to control the damage to his reputation and his marriage. Curtis didn't call the Spokane cops. Instead, he called a friend in the Washington State Patrol on the other side of the mountains because, a police report says, he worried "the local police would talk and it would get out to the press."

(for those not familiar with "stallion" that's him up top, on the right!!! HOTTIE!)

This newest anti-gay gay just makes the following cartoon all the more funny....and true (click on picture to enlarge).

credit for the cartoon goes to salon.com
By the way, it's entirely possible I missed an anti-gay gay, feel free to add.

A New Battle for the Teletubbies

I was going to post about the upcoming "2nd Cold War" that appears to be brewing with Russia, but then I found a story about an even bigger battle facing the Teletubbies, reaffirming their asexuality.

You may remember that about 8 years ago, the late Jerry Falwell raised concerns about the sexual orientation of the huggable and loveable purple teletubby, Tinky Winky. Because of his purpleness, triangle shaped antenna (or whatever that thing is on his head) and his beloved purse, lots of people have questioned which team Tinky Winky plays for. Now Poland is joining the list of groups who are demanding clarification of Tinky Winky's ambiguity.

Poland's Ewa Sowinska, "government-appointed children rights watchdog" has just realized that Tinky Winky is a allegedly a boy and that he definitely carries a handbag. She had vowed to have psychologists investigate the case, until the Polish Parliamentary Speaker, Ludwig Dorn, warned her against turning her department "into a laughing stock".

I'm not completely sure how this keeps coming up. If I were Tinky Winky, I would get on the phone with Ted Haggard. Ted somehow got the world to believe he's straight after he had a 3-year long drug-fueled affair with a male prostitute! I'm sure he can put Tinky Winky in touch with the right people to help "straighten" this out.

And Another Set of Gay Parents!

Congratulations to Mary Cheney and Heather Poe on the arrival of their son Samuel David! What a strong and biblical name! The 8 lb. 6 oz. baby boy was welcomed into the world at Sibley Hospital on Wednesday. I hope they got a better room than my sister did when she gave birth there.

Gay Flamingos Fulfill Dream of Adopting

Carlos and Fernando, a gay flamingo couple at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust (WWT) in Slimbridge, England, have been trying to adopt for years. The pair, who have been committed for 6 years, have been known to chase other flamingos away from their nests so that they could have their eggs. Unfortunately, it appeared that the couple would remain childless until a twist of fate brought Carlos and Fernando the family they have dreamed of. Last week, caretakers at WWT found an abandoned egg and decided to give the pair a shot at fatherhood.

Before the team had a chance to give the egg to the couple, it hatched in an incubator. Since flamingo parents usually bond with their chicks as they "talk them through" the process of hatching, the staff carefully taped the chick back inside the egg and brought it to Carlos and Fernando's nest. A short while later, the proud parents were seen "talking" to the chick inside the egg, and then helping it hatch for a second time.

So far things seem to be going well and we wish the family the best of luck as they start their new life together!

A Bittersweet Victory

The U.S. House of Representatives has voted to pass the Matthew Shephard Hate Crimes Act, a bill that would expand the federal hate crimes act to include the categories of gender and sexual orientation. Putting a damper on the celebration, the White House has indicated it will veto the bill if it makes it through the Senate. The statement issued by the Executive Office reads as follows:

"The Administration favors strong criminal penalties for violent crime, including crime based on personal characteristics, such as race, color, religion, or national origin. However, the Administration believes that H.R. 1592 is unnecessary and constitutionally questionable...there has been no persuasive demonstration of any need to federalize such a potentially large range of violent crime enforcement."

Focus on the Family founder James Dobson stated that he believed the bill's real intent was to “to muzzle people of faith who dare to express their moral and biblical concerns about homosexuality”.

Well, dare I say that if people of faith are expressing their moral and biblical concerns about homosexuality by committing violent crimes against gay people, then perhaps they should be muzzled.

*In other sad news, Rose, the most famous goat in Sudan, has died. Rose became famous a few months back after her husband, a human male named Charles, was forced by local elders to marry her after they were caught engaging in sexual relations. Rose is believed to have died after choking on a plastic bag she was eating. Rose is survived by her son (a goat) and her husband Charles (a man, not the father of her son). Rest in Peace Rose. Thanks to Luke for the tip.

Scooter Soon to be Covered by Americans with Disabilities Act

Finally, there is good news coming from some of the leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention. That good news is? Science exists. The Reverend Albert Mohler Jr. of the SBC recently acknowledged that in the near future scientific research will show that homosexuality (I prefer the term gayness) is biological in nature. Is this possibly the beginning of the end of the anti-gay religious right?

Wait! Put down your streamers. It's not time to celebrate just yet.

According to the good reverend, such findings wouldn't really change that much. Proof of a biological basis would not change his (or his followers) condemnation of homosexuality (It's in the Bible after all). So the way I see it, their new argument won't be, "Gayness is a choice" it will be, "Yes God made you this way, but in the eyes of God you shouldn't be this way".

You've put the streamers down haven't you? Well maybe now is the time also put down that tambourine you were so joyfully waiving around 2 minutes ago. Reverend Mohler Jr. ain't done yet. And I bet you'll never guess where he's going next.

If science can prove that homosexuality is biological, then science can also be used to CURE GAY BABIES! He goes on to say, "I realize this sounds very offensive to homosexuals, but it's the only way a Christian can look at it."

No shit its offensive but guess what? I'm kinda used to right wingers saying offensive things about my "lifestyle." Plus, if you really think about it, such a change in position is a serious blow to the anti-gay movement which has based its entire movement on the premise that gayness is a choice. I see Right-Wing senators having a tough arguing against ENDA (that's the Employment Non-discrimination Act) saying, "Yes they were born this way, but we could have 'fixed' them so they shouldn't be protected." After all, a lot of deafness can now be "fixed" and you don't see bigots on the floor of the senate trying to trample on their rights.

PLUS, if I was born this way, and it is according to these people some sort of disorder does that mean I should be covered under the American with Disabilities Act? If that's the case maybe we could demand our own bathrooms (with disco balls, and house music). We could also insist that mullets and wife-beater tank tops be outlawed since they offend our fashionable tendencies (that we were born with). I could also collect social security for my disability. I'd be RICH! All in all the future is looking bright (and fabulous) for Scooter!

Pace's Comments Ignite Discussion at the GTB

Gays in the military...discuss.

This post of course springs from the comments made by top U.S. Military official General Peter Pace in defense of the U.S.'s "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, General Pace asserted his "personal belief" that homosexuality is immoral and therefore persons found to be homosexual should be prosecuted and presumably discharged from the military, while closeted homosexuals are free to put their lives on the line for their country as much and as often as they like.

There are currently an estimated 65,000 active gay and lesbian service personnel fighting in the U.S. military and an estimated 10,000 troops have been discharged for their sexual orientation since "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" took effect in 1994 (54 of those discharged were Arabic language specialists, just an FYI).

In Defense of the Indefensible

You may all be starting to wonder why it has now been four days since "Coultergate" broke out and we haven't commented on it. Well here we are to explain why we didn't comment on it by posting the following comment.

Oh and for those of you living under a rock that is buried under 12 feet of gravel that has then been covered in a foot of cement click here to see what the Coulter scandal is all about.

We originally decided not to post about Ann's speech because pointing out that Ann Coulter said something offensive is like pointing out that Lindsay Lohan has a "drinking problem." For those that aren't familiar with Ann's history, here's a brief blast from the past:

Last year at the very same CPAC conference our dear friend Ms. Coulter had this to say about Muslims:
"I think our motto should be, post-9-11, 'raghead talks tough, raghead faces consequences.'"
-CPAC, 2/10/06

Not enough?...shortly after that on MSNBC she had this to say about Al Gore:
"I don't know if he's [Bill Clinton] gay. But Al Gore -- total fag."

So my question then becomes, what was Ann doing speaking at this year's CPAC in the first place? In this most recent Coulter controversy, Conservatives have denounced Ann for her comments. Saying that this is not what conservatism is about. Even Michelle Malkin was not a fan of the comments. But again this is not the first offensive comment Ann has made and this is not the first time other conservatives have claimed "Ann doesn't speak for me."

When people tell me they are a conservative, I cringe inside a little bit. I get nervous. I get uncomfortable. I assume they hate me for who I am, for who I love. Could I be wrong? Absolutely. Should I feel this way? Of course not. I know I'm making assumptions, as I have conservative friends and family who love me.

So my question to conservatives is, if Ann doesn't speak for you, why do you let her speak for you so much? Nobody is saying the woman is not entitled to her opinion. Let her rant and rave on AnnCoulter.com (NSFW) as much as she wants. But every time she is paraded around at national conferences and on television as a voice of conservatism it adds to my belief that conservatives think of me as nothing more than a left-wing faggot. But those are just my two cents

-Scooter

Ted Haggard Pronounced "Heterosexual", PHEW!

It has been a tense few months, but you can rest easy, Ted Haggard has been declared "Completely Heterosexual" by a board of four ministers who oversaw his 3 weeks of intense therapy aimed at modifying his behavioral issues. For those who don't remember, Reverend Haggard is the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals. He resigned last year after a male prostitute named Mike Jones alleged that Haggard had paid him for sex, almost monthly, for the last 3 years. In addition, Jones accused Haggard of methamphetamine abuse. I'm sure you all remember the story, but it is really too good to not tell over and over and over again (kind of like that time Aaron Carter ran over the mattress in his SUV and it caught on fire).

Yesterday, the panel overseeing Haggard's "recovery" released its findings that Haggard is not gay. On the small matter of his involvement with a male prostitute, the panel had this to say:

''He is completely heterosexual. That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing. If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly. We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened.'' (Who knew that 90 days was the statute of limitation for 'He's gay' allegations against an evangelical? Mental note.)

I had to read this 8 times, but I think what they are saying is:

"He was only gay when he was actually having sex with that male prostitute every month for 3 years. When he wasn't having sex with that male prostitute, he wasn't gay. If no other men have come forward to say that they have had sex with him, then there are probably no other men, which means that he's not gay. Paying another man for sex monthly for 3 years doesn't make you gay, it just makes you rebellious."

Well, I'm glad we got this sorted out. Haggard and his wife have announced that they both plan to go back to school to pursue Master's degrees in Psychology which will presumably help them both to further investigate Haggard's “acting out" and maybe come to some conclusions about how to prevent further indiscretions.

It is good that Haggard didn’t have an affair with say, another evangelical from his church. If he had, and that man had as much to lose as Haggard did, that guy probably would have never come forward. Then Haggard never would have been exposed and never would have gotten the help he needed. I shudder to think that there might be other men out there who aren’t coming forward and aren’t getting the help that Haggard has, but it has been 90 days so I guess they are in the clear! Phew!*

*Thanks to Jackie and Jenny for the tip!

Marriage is for Babymaking

Dr. Bombay and Gris Gris you've been warned!

Jenny, you're ok. For now.

You better pop out a baby as soon as possible or your marriage may be invalidated.

A group calling itself the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance has begun a ballot initiative process to require procreation as a condition for marriage, so you've been duly warned. More specifically if passed by Washington voters, the Defense of Marriage Initiative would:

• add the phrase, “who are capable of having children with one another” to the legal definition of marriage;
• require that couples married in Washington file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage automatically annulled;
• require that couples married out of state file proof of procreation within three years of the date of marriage or have their marriage classed as “unrecognized;”
• establish a process for filing proof of procreation; and
• make it a criminal act for people in an unrecognized marriage to receive marriage benefits.

Hmm, so Jenny it sounds to me like you might have to PROVE that little baby caroline is YOURS and you didn't buy her on the same black market where TomKat bought baby Suri. I can't wait to see you on Maury Povich: "Jenny, you ARE the mother of baby Caroline"

Ok, so are you shocked? What you might find even more shocking is that this the GoodTimesBlog and its authors fully support this initiative. Usually groups out there defending marriage are no fans of the leftist propaganda spewed out on this blog, but these people would be. They are actually on our side! Huh, you ask? Let me explain.

The Washington ruling striking down gay marriage did so on the basis that "legitimate state interest” allows the Legislature to limit marriage to those couples able to have and raise children together. Yup, they pulled the procreation card. So these clever folks are calling them out on it. If that's what you believe make it the law. And if this is made into law, it will be struck down as unconstitutional in a second. And if this is unconstitutional how can it be used as the rational argument for preventing gay marriage.

In other words to all the righties spitting out this bile and calling it a reasonable argument against gay marriage they are saying, "shit or get off the pot!"

Brilliant!

*Thanks to http://popuppupop.blogspot.com/ for the great drawing*

Bishops to Gays: Welcome to our church!

Guidelines adopted by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops on Tuesday acknowledged that gays and lesbians do not choose their sexual orientation and gay and lesbian "inclinations" are not sinful.

Wow! That's Fantastic! I finally feel welcomed in the Catholic Church again.

Wait.....

Hold on a second....

I forgot to read the entire article......

My bad, they still hate gays. According to the church's new policy being gay and being attracted to men is fine and you are born that way. Regardless of that, shut the hell up. If you have to, you can tell your close friends and family, but that's the extent of it. Oh, and of course, you can't act on your God given feelings(Gross. Disgusting) as such acts "cannot fulfill the natural end of human sexuality" (that tired old line again).

If you follow all of the above, then you are welcomed in the Catholic Church. Now THAT'S Christianity.

For all our right-leaning GTB fans out there, please spare me the we "hate the sin, not the sinner" B.S. I don't buy it. Hating me for my "sin" is just as hurtful as hating me. Plain and Simple.

-Scooter