The Hoff in Hot Water…And Not the Good Kind Found in Jacuzzis

The Hoff is in trouble and I don’t know what to think about it. My natural inclination would be to help The Hoff because he is awesome, but he really has gotten himself into a doozey of a pickle this time. The Hoff called police to report that his daughter (The Hoff Jr., who is under the care of estranged wife of The Hoff) had “cut” herself in an apparent suicide attempt. Rumors are now surfacing that The Hoff Jr. didn’t cut herself, rather she was scratched by the family cat and The Hoff just called the police so they would go and bother estranged wife of The Hoff. Reportedly, The Hoff made the call to police and then promptly boarded a plane to a film festival without seeing The Hoff Jr.

The most interesting part of this story is that estranged wife of The Hoff says that when she called The Hoff to tell him about The Hoff Jr. being cut by the family cat, The Hoff Jr. was crying uncontrollably and estranged wife of The Hoff suggested that maybe they should take The Hoff Jr. to see a psychologist the next day…over a cat scratch?

Unlike The Hoff’s incredible popularity in Germany (which is completely logical and reasonable) this story doesn’t add up. We should all write to our Senators and Congress persons to get The Hoff’s name cleared!*

*No charges or anything have been filed but an assault on the character of The Hoff is an assault on America.