There Goes My Plan for the Weekend

My hopes for a nice Saturday of flying to China, getting SUPER drunk, heading for the zoo, hopping the fence into a Panda enclosure, and giving said Panda a big ole’ huggy snuggle were smashed recently when I discovered that a Chinese man had already tried to do the exact same thing and nearly lost his leg. When the incredibly drunk man hopped the fence to hug a sleeping panda, the panda awoke and, shockingly, attacked him (maybe they don’t have FOX TV in China, since we know that FOX shows ‘When Animals Attack’ at least 56 times a year). The incredibly intelligent man bit the panda back. The two went back and forth like this until zoo officials doused the panda with water. From his hospital bed, the man defended himself with my favorite excuse and yours “they seemed really nice on TV.”*

Thanks to Bucket for the tip!

*This quote has been paraphrased. His actual quotes were actually way more ridiculous.