Triumphant Return of the GTB Mirrors the Triumphant Return of GTB Hero The Hoff

We don't know how we missed this, but we did so here it goes! David Hasselhoff has announced that he will soon begin filming an as yet untitled reality TV Show about his life. Citing “creative unfulfillment” in his position as a judge on the hit series America’s Got Talent, The Hoff has signed a 10-episode deal with A&E to star in a show that chronicles his attempt to break his daughters into the recording industry.

At first we were concerned about the amount of stress that this would place on the GTB’s Musical and Theatrical Muse/Inspiration/Hero given his recent (and let’s be honest here…ongoing) battle with alcoholism. Then we remembered that this is the man who single-handedly unified Germany (and tore down the Berlin Wall using only awesome music and hip gyration) and rescued Hobie (who’s hair now looks like this by the way) and his love interest from an electric eel using only a defibrillator and his BARE HANDS*. He’ll be fine, but somebody should probably make a note to craft services “No Jack Daniels. No Cheeseburgers.” (We assume you still get a Craft Services Table when you star in a reality show…otherwise, nobody would ever film them).

Congratulations The Hoff. We cannot WAIT to watch!

*THANK YOU YOUTUBE FOR EXISTING and providing this clip. It is worth every minute you will spend watching it at work. Also a big shout out to Baywatch for naming this episode “Eel Nino” and making it easy to find!

**Thanks to Leslie for the tip!

2008 Presidential Election Decided Today in 2007

The 2008 Presidential election was decided today when the world's toughest BADASS Chuck Norris announced who he would support in the race for the World's 2nd Most Powerful Office (the 1st Most Powerful Office is, quite obviously, The Office of Being Chuck Norris). So the winner of the White House is...

Mike Huckabee

Wait a minute, uh, um, uh, Mike Huckabee is a Republican. This can't be right. Let me check again. Wait, what'd you say? Chuck Norris is a conservative? Chuck Norris WRITES a conservative column for WorldNetDaily? No. This is impossible. We covered this already on the GTB? Twice? Really? I just don't believe it. Chuck Norris is the biggest KICK ASS borderline Ninja ever to grace American soil. He is rivaled only by The Hoff. Huh? I can't hear you so well. What do you mean The Hoff is a washed up Alcoholic? Rehab? That certainly doesn't sound like something The Hoff would do. The Hoff has no weakeness.

I'm sort of freakin' out. I have no Chuck Norris. I have no The Hoff. I am almost alone. Good thing I still have my 3rd and final hero Dumbledore, with all his infinite wisdom. What? He's gay? I give up.

Do YOU want to be a HERO today?

You might remember awhile back we posted a PSA about how YOU could help The Hoff (like the Hoff really needs any help from us…gosh!). Well, today is the day. When I fired up my e-mail this morning, there it was, the long awaited “Hoff Alert” directing me to go this instant and purchase The Hoff’s bitchin’ single “Jump In My Car” the hope of course being that we the people could catapult our hero to the top of the charts in the UK. Since I can assume that very few of you actually signed up for the “Hoff Alert”, here’s a link to purchase the single. Don’t even think of getting it off of ITunes…since we are mostly Ugly Americans here at the GTB, we can’t purchase from the UK ITunes store and therefore, our efforts will be wasted.

In other news, The Hoff (who Princess Diana did not have a crush on) fell asleep on camera and made inappropriate advances towards a female interviewer while promoting his new album in the UK this weekend. Contrary to how it looked, he insists that he was not drunk and does not have a drinking problem (you may remember this came up before when he was thrown out of Wimbledon for being a dirty drunk…and when he was accused of beating his ex-wife); rather it was “the sleeping pills".

Remember folks, drugs and booze are just the trials and tribulations of being a star. It doesn’t make The Hoff less awesome…it makes him human. Help The Hoff…NOW!

The Hoff in Hot Water…And Not the Good Kind Found in Jacuzzis

The Hoff is in trouble and I don’t know what to think about it. My natural inclination would be to help The Hoff because he is awesome, but he really has gotten himself into a doozey of a pickle this time. The Hoff called police to report that his daughter (The Hoff Jr., who is under the care of estranged wife of The Hoff) had “cut” herself in an apparent suicide attempt. Rumors are now surfacing that The Hoff Jr. didn’t cut herself, rather she was scratched by the family cat and The Hoff just called the police so they would go and bother estranged wife of The Hoff. Reportedly, The Hoff made the call to police and then promptly boarded a plane to a film festival without seeing The Hoff Jr.

The most interesting part of this story is that estranged wife of The Hoff says that when she called The Hoff to tell him about The Hoff Jr. being cut by the family cat, The Hoff Jr. was crying uncontrollably and estranged wife of The Hoff suggested that maybe they should take The Hoff Jr. to see a psychologist the next day…over a cat scratch?

Unlike The Hoff’s incredible popularity in Germany (which is completely logical and reasonable) this story doesn’t add up. We should all write to our Senators and Congress persons to get The Hoff’s name cleared!*

*No charges or anything have been filed but an assault on the character of The Hoff is an assault on America.

GTB PSA #1 - THE HOFF NEEDS YOUR HELP

Periodically, Scooter and I will be posting Good Times Blog Public Service Announcements (GTB PSAs). These are things that we believe you, our ENORMOUS readership, must be made aware of in order to avoid delinquency or dereliction of duty.

This link was included as part of a comment under my original post on how much I love the Hoff, his music, his videos, and the joy and harmony he brings to planet earth. Since not all of you read the comments, I thought I needed to bring this to your attention. As I mentioned in my post, the Hoff is having a rough time. You can help him out by simply entering your e-mail address and eventually purchasing his AMAZING single, Looking for Freedom. You'll help send the Hoff to the top of the charts AND you'll be able to add this mind-blowing symphonic masterpiece to the "favorites" playlist on your iPod. Click HERE to help the Hoff (make sure you read the FAQ...it is informative and hilarious).


*Yes. That is a DIFFERENT picture of The Hoff in a Speedo and Cardigan. Still just as sexy.

**Thanks to Robdraw for the tip!

If Loving Him is Wrong, I Don’t Want to Be Right

Some people love their families, some people love their country, and some people, people like me, love David Hasselhoff. Now I love that other stuff too, but David Hasselhoff is what really puts the cream in my coffee. I loved him when he was on Knight Rider, I LOVED him on Baywatch, Baywatch Nights, and Baywatch Hawaiian Wedding, I loved him when he was an international singing sensation (mostly just in Germany)…and the list goes on and on. He’s been in the news recently after being (reportedly) ejected from Wimbledon, injuring himself on a hotel bathroom chandelier, and joining the panel of judges on America’s Got Talent. All of his recent press has reignited my fantastic love and admiration for America’s favorite lifeguard.

At lunch today we got on the topic of David (who was at one time going to put together a rap album under the handle “Hassel the Hoff”. The album was to be produced by Ice-T…Ice-T denies being involved in such a project) and my friend asked if I had seen his new video. I hung my head in shame. David Hasselhoff is my hero, but I didn’t know he had been working on anything new. I rushed back to my desk and spent the last precious minutes of my lunch hour catching up with my old friend and what I found can only be described as MAGNIFICENT. I honestly and truly believe that if you don’t watch these clips, something will always be missing in your life. You might not realize it now, but one day you will wake up in a cold sweat...mind racing…did I lose my car keys? My wallet? Did I leave my infant at the supermarket? No. What is missing from your life is the HOFF.

If you could bottle the energy that radiates from these clips, you could eliminate the world’s dependence on oil, put an end to war and human suffering, end starvation, and bring rights and equality to all of earth’s citizens. We could all live happily ever after in Hasseltopia where everyone wears bikinis or leather pants and fishing boats full of people in wheelchairs never accidentally pull undetonated mines out of the ocean with their fishing nets causing the boat and everyone on it to explode. You owe it to your family, your god, your country, and yourself to watch these. Don’t let me down.*

Hooked on a Feeling

Jump In My Car

Secret Agent Man

*I was curious about how David Hasselhoff could afford such stellar music video production and promotion. I did some digging, and it turns out he is worth over $100,000,000 thanks to his Baywatch royalties. He could pay Germany to love him if he wanted...but he doesn't have to because he is awesome.