Fun, Delicious, Deadly

Yet another toy manufactured in China has been pulled from the shelves. This time it was "Aqua Dots" bead kits. When ingested, the coating on the dots converts into a "date rape" drug that has already put several children in the hospital.

What is the world coming to that kids can't even swallow their toys without fear of ending up hospitalized? The good news is that I finally have an explanation for why that creepy guy at the bar kept offering to buy me a "cup of plastic beads".

Delicious Donkey

A Beijing, China donkey meat shop is in trouble for using a live donkey for promotional purposes. The donkey mascot is left on local street corners alone, often for hours at a time, wearing a coat that displays an ad for his owners. Locals are appalled by the treatment of the donkey, but the owner of the donkey meat shop insists there is no harm done and that serves his purpose to bring in more customers.

If I had a donkey meat shop, I would definitely use a live donkey as a billboard. This would allow people to see the quality of my product and entice them to my establishment. How else would people know that the donkey meat at my shop is better than the donkey meat offered at my neighbor's donkey meat shop? Jeez. You crazy animal activists.

You WILL ENJOY This Festival!

China is a country that prides itself on the popularity of state sponsored events. He County is no exception. For their upcoming Agricultural fair, the Third Vegetable Exposition, the He County Government ordered "all town and village work units" to issue tickets to their workers in hopes of filling the 30,000 seat venue booked for the fair's opening ceremonies. They also noted that "All items on the program must be warmly welcomed and applauded" by the attendees.

If you want to have a successful state sponsored program, one thing you could choose to do is "strongly encourage" all of your state sponsored workers to come and applaud. It is a logical and obvious solution!

China is going to own us soon. Sigh.

Government Keeps Chinese Idol on Tight Leash

"Happy Boys Voice", the second edition of the Chinese version of American Idol is being urged by the Chinese government to "uphold high moral standards". They are urging contestants to choose songs that are "'healthy and ethically inspiring' in order to create a good atmosphere for China's 17th Party Congress, the Communist Party's five-yearly leadership meeting to be held later this year."

The first edition of the show, which was called "Super Girls" and featured all female performers, was criticized because the Chinese Government believed it "preached the wrong concept of instant riches and fame".

Communism, great on paper, poor in practice.*

*Please enjoy this post now. It will be removed when the Chinese finally cash in and take ownership of the U.S. of A. This will probably take place pretty soon.

Chinese Zoos, Maybe Not So Safe

It seems that China may have a safety problem at its zoos. In an incredibly sad story, yesterday, a 6-year old girl, who had paid $2.00 to have her picture taken with a tiger, was eaten by said tiger when it was startled by the camera. After a little digging, an anonymous source* was able to find documentation of several other bizarre incidents at various Chinese zoos.

In October 2005, a zookeeper who was trying to collect bile from 6 bears was eaten alive. The bears were so angry that zoo workers had to wait 2 hours for the bears to calm down enough that they could enter the enclosure and retrieve the man's body. Interestingly enough bear bile fetches more cash per ounce than most narcotics and the extraction process is incredibly painful for the bear.

A mere 2 days after the "bear eats zookeeper" incident, another zookeeper, on his first day of work, accidentally wandered into a restricted lion enclosure where he was immediately attacked by 3 lions. Luckily, the man lived, but he is still recovering from his injuries.

It seems to me that zoos in China really need to lay down a few simple ground rules to protect their workers and patrons. For instance, maybe a program where you get your picture taken with a wild tiger, isn't a great idea. I would suggest pictures with a man dressed like a tiger or a tiger-like cardboard cut out. I also think that if you are going to "milk" the gall bladders of wild bears to sell their bile to be made into wines and shampoos, maybe an "animal sedation before bile extraction" procedure should be put into place. Finally, maybe a map of the wild animal park should be put into every new zookeeper orientation packet. You know, just a quick Xerox copy with "x" over the enclosures that are full of man-eating lions.

In all seriousness, our hearts go out to the families of the injured and deceased. It is sad to see tragedy stem from sheer stupidity. All you can hope is that somebody somewhere has learned something that will prevent any of these sorts of incidents from happening again. Sigh.

*Dave is the anonymous source we mention above.