Aren't You Overreacting, Just a Tad?

A Russian man accidentally blew himself up with a hand grenade after train conductors asked to see his ticket. The conductors thought the man, who appeared intoxicated, had a grenade and asked him to show his paperwork or get off the train at the next stop. The man showed the conductors the grenade and demanded that the train go to the city of Vladivostok instead of its planned destination of the city of Chelyabinsk. At this point, the other train passengers were evacuated. Negotiations with the man were going well until the man tried to replace the pin that he had removed from the grenade. The grenade (not shockingly) detonated, killing the man but injuring no one else.

He blew himself up because the conductor asked to see his train ticket and he believed he could hijack a train with a single grenade. Is there a website that stupid people and people who are prone to overreaction can go to purchase things to blow themselves up? How do idiots manage to so easily get their hands on explosives when intelligent people like myself can't get our hands on explosives to say...blow up some ground bees that have invaded our back yard? They say everybody is good at something, apparently the less bright are better at procuring weapons.

Congratulations America! You're the Winner!

A little good news for the US today. We have taken the top spot in a very important competition! According to the 2007 Small Arms Survey conducted by the Graduate Institute for International Studies in Geneva, Switzerland, the United States is the most heavily armed country in the entire world! With about 90 guns for every 100 citizens, the United States beat out India, which took 2nd place at 4 guns per 100 people and our archrival CHINA which had only 3 guns per 100 people.

Congratulations to the US for having a higher per capita rate of gun ownership than health care coverage!

Anybody seen Those Guns?

According to a new report from the U.S. Government Accountability Office, (ha ha ha! Who would have guessed we have one of these?!? They must have buried it down in the basement of the State Department next to the Unicorn Tracking Office for the last 7 years!) it seems that the Pentagon cannot account for 190,000 weapons distributed to Iraqi Security forces. Mostly AK-47's and pistols, the unaccounted for weapons represent about 30% of the weapons distributed to the Iraqi Security forces and the Pentagon concedes that some of those missing weapons have probably fallen into the hands of insurgents and are probably being used against U.S. troops.

So, I hate to say I told you so...but I told you so. Wait, now that I think about it, I actually told you so twice. Let me check...Yep! I did tell you so twice. I told you, HERE when the U.S. decided to arm the Sunni insurgents and HERE when they announced they were going to sell billions of dollars worth of weapons to our various Middle Eastern allies, that the U.S. really has very little ability to keep track of guns after they give them out. I guess if we keep giving them out because once everyone has a weapon, peace will surely follow.

Maybe the guns are with the moon tapes!

They're Livin' in a Powder Keg and We're Sellin' Them Sparks

In a brilliant strategic move towards the lofty goal of peace in the Middle East, the Bush Administration unveiled its plans to sell $20 billion worth of weapons to Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain and Oman. The drive behind the move to arm the countries that are considered U.S. allies in the Middle East is the growing military capabilities of Iran. Secretary of State Condi Rice even went so far as to say that "There isn't a doubt that Iran constitutes the single most important single-country strategic challenge to the United States and to the kind of the Middle East that we want to see".

Wow! It sounds like Iran is a real problem. I guess it is too bad that we blew our wad in Iraq and are now pretty much powerless to do anything to stop them. Oh wait! I know what we could do...get Iran's enemies to PAY us for weapons! We could actually make money off of the Middle East's descent into complete chaos! Brilliant idea since we have such an awesome history of being able to keep track of weapons after we sell them to other countries. I hope that Condi gets somebody to pinky swear that they won't use those weapons on us!

Oh...And isn't Saudi Arabia funding the Sunni insurgents and refusing to cooperate with the new Iraqi government? I guess it doesn't matter since we have also started arming the Sunni insurgents ... oh and since the Iraqi government is on vacation it doesn't really matter if Saudi Arabia won't cooperate with them.

DOUBLE BONUS ROUND: How many 9/11 Hijackers were from Saudi Arabia? How many names on the current FBI most wanted Terrorist List are from one of these 6 countries?

TRIPLE BONUS: Anyone know what awesome ballad I stole the title of this post from?

Is That a Gun in Your Diaper or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Howard "Bubba" Ludwig applied for an Illinois Gun Permit and was granted permission to own a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun. Since Bubba meets the State requirements for gun ownership, this is no surprise, but did I mention that Bubba is 10-months old?

Bubba's father filled out the application for him after Bubba's grandfather gave him the Beretta as a gift. Not thinking he would actually get the permit, Howard Ludwig, Sr. listed the baby's correct height and weight (2 ft. 3 in, 20 lbs.) on the form and drew a squiggly line where the signature of the applicant should be.

Turns out that Illinois doesn't have an age requirement for gun permits. Congratulations Bubba, you can now protect your home and family!