HOT TIPS!

• UNITED KINGDOM -- Two women were arrested for trying to smuggle the corpse of their dead relative onto a flight to Berlin. The women put the 91-year old man in a wheelchair, added some sunglasses and tried to board. They were arrested on charges of "suspicion of failure to give notification of death". Who even knew that was a crime...and who even knew there are people who watch Weekend at Bernie's and think "that is a good idea." I guess it IS possible they saw Weekend at Bernie's II.
  
  
• SAN DIEGO, CA -- Drunk Man Steals Ambulance, Leads Slow Chase...I just liked the article title which really tells the whole story.
  
  
• FULTON, MS -- I was going to award this story the Tara-ble Idea Award, but I decided that award is more for sheer stupidity as opposed to a total lack of human decency. Parents and students at a High School in Fulton, Mississippi threw a fake prom to avoid having to include a lesbian couple and a group of students with learning disabilities. Yeah, that just happened. To top this doozy with a cherry, they don't seem to see anything wrong with that. Wow.
  
  
• I DON'T KNOW...KENTUCKY??-- To clean the fake prom nasty out of our mouths...KFC has confirmed that they will soon deliver to restaurants nationwide...the Double Down (being gamblers, we like the name...and gambling with the stability of our vital organs!). What is it you might ask? Besides being amazing it is "two slabs of fried chicken holding together two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce". If you can't picture it, it is a bacon and cheese sandwich where the bun has been replaced with fried chicken. The Nutritional info is actually, not as bad as one would expect...540 calories, 32 grams of fat.

HOT TIPS!

• The GTB has entered the year 2008...become a fan of us on Facebook! It is possible that the 15 non-authors who have already "fanned" us are the only 15 people who read this...but if we missed anybody, make sure you show us the love, Facebook Style. Do so, here (I have no idea if linking to this page will work).
  
  
• A former of employee of the University of Florida's emergency text messaging service may be charged with an as-yet-to-be-determined-crime for sending an emergency text to thousands of University students and faculty that read "The Monkey Got Out of the Cage". The man claims the text was an accident. Before you judge too harshly, who amongst us hasn't sent a text message they regretted the next day? Just ask this girl we know who sent out an upside down photo with the message "Hagby Odo Xfar?" after one too many bottles of screw-top champagne this New Years Eve!
  
  
• Big fat face Rush Limbaugh relayed a story to his listeners the other day about a recent request he received from an "American Publication" to sum up his feelings about the Inauguration in 400 words. Limbaugh ended his diatribe with "I hope he fails. Somebody's gotta say it." Wow Mr. Limbaugh...aren't you lucky people didn't wish failure upon you when you kicked your prescription drug habit?
  
  
• In case you didn't know, the economy is doing stellar. If you don't believe us check out the National Republican Congressional Committee's website. You can't make this stuff up.
  
  

HOT TIPS!

• For all you St. Mary's College of Maryland, The Maryland Alternative, Alums out there, big news from Down County...the Maryland State Highway Administration installed the very first traffic roundabout in St. Mary's County at the end of last summer! So far, the traffic roundabout has prevented accidents, but County residents have had trouble dealing with the change. Some drivers have been seen cutting through parking lots to avoid the circle or have stopped driving the roads that intersect (Rts. 234 & 238 all together) altogether. In the words of the clerk at the liquor store that faces the new roundabout, "If you just watch, someone will do something." Isn't that true for LOTS of things in the County? Thanks to Jackie for the tip!

• Travel & Leisure Magazine just released its list of "America's Favorite Cities" for 2007. Wondering where D.C. ranks? Well, we are #1 for "worldly and nurturing an international culture"! That's the good news. We rank in the bottom 5 for "friendliness", "fun", "style", and "attractive people". What more can you expect from the city where Congress lives. Thanks to Carrie for the tip!

And last but not least...

• Everyone's favorite A-hole, Judge Roy L. "I'm Suin' my Dry Cleaner for $54 million and My One Hope Seems To Be That I Ruin Their Lives" Pearson, Jr. is most likely going to lose his job. I say most likely because the The Commission on Selection and Tenure of Administrative Law Judges hasn't told Pearson yet. We'll let you know when it is official so you can go out and hug your dry cleaner. Thanks to Cara for the tip!
  

HOT TIPS!

Introducing our newest feature! Since we can't post about every amazing thing our readers send us for investigation, we're starting "Hot Tips: A Quick and Dirty Rundown of Things We Wouldn't Want You to Miss". If you have a hot tip, feel free to e-mail it to us at:

GoodTimesBlog[at]gmail[dot] com

Now for the tips:

• Did you know you can get drunk off of hand sanitizer? I didn’t, but an inmate at a Maryland Correctional Facility did! The sheer brilliance of the idea astounds me. Turns out Purell isn’t any more dangerous than drinking regular alcohol and it will get you drunk much quicker with its 70% alcohol content. Thanks to Reebs for the tip.

• New Jersey (my favorite state) has warned its residents to not eat squirrel more than twice a week since some squirrels have been eating at the toxic waste dump and have been found to contain higher than average amounts of lead. I wish this was a joke, but it isn’t. New Jersey has a toxic waste dump, and squirrels that eat there, and it has people who eat said squirrels, apparently more than twice a week on average. Wow. That story couldn’t be much better. Thanks to Claire for the tip.

• There is a funeral home in Wisconsin that is decorated with stuffed dead animals posed to look like they are doing amusing things like playing basketball or hula dancing. The owner of the home says, "This is to show kids when they come for a funeral and they cry”. The guy gets props for trying, but I think if I was a kid and I was at a funeral home wondering “what will happen to Grandpa in the afterlife?”, I would be a little confused if my query was answered with a trip to see a display of dead squirrels made to look like they are playing cards in a dimly lit saloon. Thanks to Anonymous for the tip.