It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's an Illegally Transported Nuclear Warhead

The US Air Force accidentally flew six nuclear warheads from North Dakota to Louisiana last Thursday unbeknownst to anyone on the B-52 bomber that was carrying the weapons. The mistake prompted an internal investigation into the handling of nuclear weapons by the US Military. Since the Cold War, the US has been obligated under treaty to NOT transport nuclear weapons by air.

So it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it turns out this is a huge SNAFU. I guess I should have realized that, you know since sometimes we execute leaders of countries that we think MIGHT have these types of weapons. Good thing we are the US and can be all willy nilly with our nukes. Imagine how internationally screwed we'd be if we were North Korea! Phew! Being hypocritical feels pretty ok when we do something stupid like this!

*Thanks to Gris Gris for the tip!

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Arm 'Em

This past week it was confirmed that part of the U.S.'s new war plan for Iraq is to arm the Sunni insurgents and allow them the opportunity to help fight al-Qaeda and other radical insurgent groups that have been terrorizing the region. The move is a rather significant admission that the U.S. is now realizing that, after investing more then $15 billion to build them up, it cannot depend on the unreliable Iraqi military or police.

There are so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to begin so I guess I'll go with a question and answer format. Get excited because today we will all get a little history lesson with our Good Times and hopefully I will answer some questions for those of you who are scratching your heads in confusion.

1.) Aren't the Sunni insurgents "bad"?
Well, technically, yes, they are. Well, were and are. Initially, they were pretty upset about the invasion of their country (more about why they are pissed in a minute), but the U.S. is banking on them being MORE angry about the fact that other radical insurgent groups are blowing up a lot of Iraqis.

2.) But weren't the Sunni insurgents friends with the other radical insurgent groups (a lot of whom are also Sunnis)?
You have a good memory! Yes! They were. Initially, most of the identified insurgent groups in Iraq considered each other allies with a common cause. Now the Sunni insurgents believe that the other insurgent groups are killing far too many Iraqis.

3.) Why were the Sunnis so mad in the first place? Shouldn't ALL Iraqis be mad about the invasion of their country?
Why yes they should, but the Shi'ites are less mad because of L. Paul "Jerry" Bremer.

4.) But who is L. Paul "Jerry" Bremer?
Oh how quickly you forget! In May 2003, Paul Bremer took over as Director of Reconstruction and Humanitarian Assistance in Iraq (you can laugh here because I bet you didn't even know that was a job, given the state of reconstruction and humanitarian assistance in Iraq). In this capacity, Bremer was in charge of all things civilian. During the year he was in charge, he issued 100 Orders. These orders were "binding instructions or directives to the Iraqi people that create penal consequences or have a direct bearing on the way Iraqis are regulated, including changes to Iraqi law."

Order #1 was the "DE-BA`ATHIFICATION OF IRAQI SOCIETY" which banned all members of Saddam Hussein's Ba'ath party from working in government, education, etc. The Ba'ath party was pretty much all Sunnis and had been in charge for over 20 years meaning that they were also the people who had any knowledge about how to run the country.

Order #2 was the "DISSOLUTION OF ENTITIES WITH ANNEX A" which dissolved the Iraqi military, leaving about 350,000 young Iraqis with military training UNEMPLOYED and ANGRY.

I don't have the room or the energy to subject you to a listing of Paul Bremer's 98 other bad ideas. I do recommend you read them here.

4.) So he ostracized the Ba'ath Party (Sunnis) AND he disbanded the Iraqi Military? Where are you going with this?
Simple. One of the major reasons the new Iraqi Military and Iraqi Police forces are having such a hard time getting on their feet is the lack of experienced officers. There is a lack of experience in the Iraqi government, military, and police because the U.S. either banned the experienced people from participating or fired them all together.

5.) Hmmmm...So the Sunni insurgents have a lot to be angry at the U.S. about. Should we really be giving them guns just because the pinky swear to not use them on us?
No. We shouldn't. They could use them on the al-Qaeda related insurgent groups in Iraq. That could happen. Or they could use them to kill Shiites...or Americans...or other Sunnis. In general with this kind of thing, experience tells us you don't just "throw more guns in the mix".

6.) Experience? Surely we haven't done anything like this before.
Flashback, 1979. It was the year I was born, it was also the year that the Soviets invaded Afghanistan (coincidentally, it was also the year that Saddam Hussein took over in Iraq). After the Soviet invasion of Iraq, the U.S. financed, armed, and trained the mujahideen (in this case, Afghanistani Muslims that comprised the groups that opposed the Soviet occupation; Ronald Reagan called them "freedom fighters"). The mujahideen helped bring about an end to the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan, but the various factions that had united to defeat the Soviets quickly turned on each other. The country descended into civil war and out of that civil war rose the Taliban.

The U.S. proves time and time again that it doesn't learn from its mistakes. Arming one faction in a civil war that we don't understand, in a country that we don't understand, is the worst idea I have heard in a very long time. It might be a worse idea than the gay bomb.

*Thanks to Jenny for the tip!

Who Said There Was No Such Thing as a Bad Idea?

I would have given this the Tara-ble Idea Award, but I don't think it qualifies since it (unfortunately) never came to fruition.

The Sunshine Project, a military watchdog group based out of Austin, Texas, recently released information it had gathered regarding a U.S. Military proposal from 1994 that suggested one option for a non-lethal weapon that the U.S. could use against its enemies might be a "Gay Bomb". A "Gay Bomb", as it was theorized, would expose the enemy to a chemical/hormone that would make them so full of homosexual lust that they would be incapable of fighting. The proposal originated in a military lab in Ohio and requested $7.5 million to investigate the project. Ultimately the proposal was denied, but not before it made its way to the highest scientific review panel for the U.S. Military.

I don't think we need to spend a dime on this project. All you've gotta do is put some Ecstasy in the water supply, dole out the glow sticks and wine coolers, wait and watch. Everybody knows it is just that easy to "catch Gay".

*Thanks to Dr. Bombay AND Bucket for the tip.

Oh! You Wanted Planes that DON'T Go Berserk?

Good news! The Air Force has confirmed that it has fixed a glitch in the operating systems of 87 F-22 Raptor fighter jets. The "glitch" caused the operating systems of the plane to shut down (specifically "crippling navigation systems and hindering communications") after the aircraft crossed the International Date Line.

The problem was first noticed during the inaugural flight of 6 of the aircraft on February 10th. The flight from Hawaii to Japan was supposed to showcase for the F-22's abilities for the Japanese in hopes of convincing them that the Raptor "is just what they needed to fend off communist Red China in some potential future conflict". The Air Force reports that the flaw in the operating systems of all 87 Raptors has been repaired by the planes' manufacturer, Lockheed Martin. As for the price tag to get jets with operating systems that don't shut down mid-flight, "Lockheed Martin declined to provide further comment on additional costs of the upgrades."

Who knew that "Operating System that doesn't get so confused by crossing the International Date Line that it shuts down its navigation and communication systems" was an upgrade. Clearly the Air Force thought it was included as well. Maybe "Plane must work" should be a line item from now on, but I’m no “Expert in U.S. Defense Contract Negotiations” so what do I know?

*Thanks to Will for the tip.

Does Dubya Hate our Troops?

Being that we are in the middle of a war, might be starting another one with Iran, have a President who is trying to send 21,500 more soldiers into the conflict, and on the horizon is an estimated 26% increase in the number of soldiers who will require on-going medical care when they return from the Middle East, I would have wagered that Bush’s "balanced budget by 2012" proposal would include huge increases in spending for the Veterans Affairs Administration. Given that there has been an 83% increase in VA spending over the course of the Bush Presidency, surely further increases had to be assumed when the Administration submitted their plan, right? The budget needs balancing, but I’m sure that cuts to things like NIH and NPR would be where this balance would happen. Bush would never cut something as near and dear to his heart (and ours) as funding for the welfare of our troops, would he? Yep, I was wrong.

The budget proposal that the Bush Administration submitted to Congress includes cuts to VA spending for 2009 and 2010, and then freezes the budget at the 2010 level until 2012.

Everybody seems to recognize that this will not work. Politicians on either side of the aisle have decried the proposal as “impossible” and “absurd” given the recent history of steady increases in VA spending (and the little problem of the influx of troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan). When questioned about the cuts, White House budget office spokesman Sean Kevelighan, said that the proposed numbers "don't reflect any policy decisions. We'll revisit them when we do the (future) budgets." (To be read: "Silly you, we made up those numbers on an Arby's napkin.")

There are two options here. A.) George W. Bush hates our troops. Or more likely, B.) The Bush Administration made up a plan to balance the budget that they know cannot succeed. I kind of like how they did it. I think I will make my next budget the same way. “Well, I have $10 in the bank. I’ll write down here on this budget sheet that I will use that $10 to buy a jetliner. Look! I bought a jetliner with $10! Hooray.” Oh, imagine the world we could live in if budgets were made with fantasy math and pixie dust and the government gave everybody an apple pie just for being American.

*Thanks to Jenny for the tip.