Excellent News for the Economy

For those of you who were slightly concerned about the US economy because all of those liberal alarmists have "implied" that we might be about to enter or maybe have already entered a RECESSION, good news...those Socialist Bastards were INCORRECT. Bush and Bernanke cleared up the confusion today stating that in spite of all evidence to the contrary, the economy, though in a "rocky period" is not in an downward spiral that will inevitably end with China owning us. That is the good news. The bad news is that Bush got a C- in Econ 101.

Bush's Busy Day

In my free time, I like to read the transcripts from White House press conferences. It is partly because I'm a nerd and partly because Dubya is actually intentionally funny sometimes. If I didn't dislike him so much, I might actually enjoy his company if we ever met at a blackjack table. That aside, something in today's press conference caught my eye...

GWB: Wolffe. (that's Richard Wolffe of Newsweek)
Q: Thank you, sir. A simple question.
GWB: Yes. It may require a simple answer.
Q: What's your definition of the word "torture"?
GWB: Of what?
Q: The word "torture." What's your definition?
GWB: That's defined in U.S. law, and we don't torture.
Q: Can you give me your version of it, sir?
GWB: Whatever the law says.

Why this interests me is that you may remember a little something called Department of Defense Appropriations Act, 2006 (H.R.2863, a.k.a. the McCain Detainee Amendment). You might remember it as the "Detainee Torture Ban". You also might remember that right after he signed the bill, he issued a signing statement giving him pretty broad authority to ignore parts, if not all of it as he sees fit. So you can ask him the definition of torture, and he can tell you that his definition of torture is whatever the law says, but what he won't mention is that he gets to make up the law as he goes along.

The other reason this particular question caught my eye is that a mere 2 hours and 26 minutes later he was awarding the Dalai Lama with Congress' highest civilian honor, the Congressional Gold Medal. In his speech Bush said that in giving this award, "America raises its voice in the call for religious liberty and basic human rights...Today we honor him as a universal symbol of peace and tolerance."

Interesting juxtaposition.

Denial...Not Just a River In Egypt

For awhile now I have been concerned that maybe our president is back on the coke. What with the denial and the delusion about Iraq and his ever-plummeting approval ratings, how could he possibly remain so upbeat and optimistic? Must be drugs! But then I saw this article and it turns out that it isn't the drugs, it is the manual that directs Bush staffers on how to stifle protestors and keep them out of the line of site of the President that has the Dubya believing that he is doing a really great job as leader of the free world! He thinks things are great because his staff has written instructions on the most effective way to squelch dissent. It is actually rather brilliant but it reminds me just a little of that time that Kim Jong Il scored 11 holes-in-one the very first time he played golf.

The Bush Administration Cares About Your Health

Saying that the Bush Administration hates science is like saying, Lindsay Lohan is a drinker or Alberto Gonzales is a liar (well, either a liar or just never reads anything that comes across his desk...even the memos labeled "Huge Violations of Individual American's Civil Liberties as Executed by the FBI Under the Patriot Act"), but this story made me chuckle...then cry.

Dr. Richard Carmona, the Nation's most recent Surgeon General, testified today before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. The story he told of his tenure as "America's Doctor" painted a picture of an Administration that actively strives to put politics before the health of the nation.

Carmona reported that he was "discouraged" from making a speech at the Special Olympics because of the organization's longtime ties to the Kennedy Family. He said that he was "specifically told by a senior person, ‘Why would you want to help those people?’” (the Kennedy family or the Special Olympics Athletes?)

Carmona was also silenced when he raised the suggestion that he could take on the task of educating the public about the use of stem cells in scientific research. He was told that he should "stand down" on the issue and upon review, Bush advisors removed all references to stem cell research from his prepared speeches.

Carmona also noted that while he is a firm believer in comprehensive sex education, he was told to "preach abstinence".

To wrap it up, Carmona summarized:

"The reality is that the 'nation's doctor' has been marginalized and relegated to a position with no independent budget and with supervisors who are political appointees with partisan agendas. Anything that doesn't fit into the political appointees' ideological, theological or political agenda is ignored, marginalized or simply buried. The problem with this approach is that in public health, as in a democracy, there is nothing worse than ignoring science or marginalizing the voice of science for reasons driven by changing political winds. The job of surgeon general is to be the doctor of the nation — not the doctor of a political party."

Dr. Richard Carmona was appointed by President Bush in 2002 and served until 2006.

A Bittersweet Victory

The U.S. House of Representatives has voted to pass the Matthew Shephard Hate Crimes Act, a bill that would expand the federal hate crimes act to include the categories of gender and sexual orientation. Putting a damper on the celebration, the White House has indicated it will veto the bill if it makes it through the Senate. The statement issued by the Executive Office reads as follows:

"The Administration favors strong criminal penalties for violent crime, including crime based on personal characteristics, such as race, color, religion, or national origin. However, the Administration believes that H.R. 1592 is unnecessary and constitutionally questionable...there has been no persuasive demonstration of any need to federalize such a potentially large range of violent crime enforcement."

Focus on the Family founder James Dobson stated that he believed the bill's real intent was to “to muzzle people of faith who dare to express their moral and biblical concerns about homosexuality”.

Well, dare I say that if people of faith are expressing their moral and biblical concerns about homosexuality by committing violent crimes against gay people, then perhaps they should be muzzled.

*In other sad news, Rose, the most famous goat in Sudan, has died. Rose became famous a few months back after her husband, a human male named Charles, was forced by local elders to marry her after they were caught engaging in sexual relations. Rose is believed to have died after choking on a plastic bag she was eating. Rose is survived by her son (a goat) and her husband Charles (a man, not the father of her son). Rest in Peace Rose. Thanks to Luke for the tip.

Second Best Thing to Impeachment

I was going to post an awesome story about Vermont's adoption of a resolution to impeach Team Bush/Cheney. I was going to theorize that when Bush heard the news, he held a press conference where he announced that Vermont was hiding WMD's and that we were going to go to war with them. Then I realized that laughing about those clowns being impeached was hurting my soul because it was a dream that would never be realized. Like when I think about how I'll never be in the Olympics.

So I went in search of something I could write about that would interest you and might be a realistic dream for me. What I came upon was this website where, for the next year or so you can watch a block of British cheddar cheese age, live via the internet. I latched onto this story because A.) Unlike Team Bush/Cheney, this cheese will eventually be eaten alive by the very people who have raised it to its current fame (1 million viewers thus far), and B.) If I can't have TBC booted out of office, I would like to have this cheese named after me. There is a place where you can enter your name suggestion for the famous cheddar. I submitted "LuLu". You should too.

I'd Rather Be...Anything

With the creation of the position of War Czar, the Bush Administration is proving that there are jobs that Americans won’t take.

So far, the job of War Czar, the person who would oversee the handling of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (good thing that 5 years in they have decided to put somebody in charge of this! Whole bunch of quick thinkers in this Administration), has been turned down by three of the four-star generals the White House has approached about the possibility of taking the office. Gen. John J. "Jack" Sheehan was asked to consider the position and told the Washington Post, “The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going. So rather than go over there, develop an ulcer and eventually leave, I said, 'No, thanks'".

I imagine the job posting for War Czar would go something like this:

Most Powerful Branch of Constitution-based Federal Republic with strong democratic tradition, seeks scapegoat to clean up ENORMOUS mess in Middle East. Women, Homosexuals, Nancy Pelosi, Intellectuals, accomplished War Strategists, Pacifists, and Democrats need not apply.

I guess Bush should work a little harder on getting his “Guest Worker Program” passed, since it doesn’t look like he has anyone here who is willing to take the job. Maybe he should skip the four-star generals and go right to the insane (think Katherine Harris, Donald Rumsfeld, Pat Robertson, Sam Brownback, Rick Santorum, etc.). If he can’t find a taker there, there is new potential coming across the border everyday!

Please feel free to list jobs you would take rather than be War Czar in the comments section. Most fantastic suggestion wins the prize of…the position of U.S. War Czar. Hooray!

BREAKING NEWS: Iraq is Stable****

Once again you are rewarded for being a loyal reader of the Good Times Blog.

Iraq is a stable country. That's right, it came straight out of the mouth of the First Lady.

Last night on Larry King Live Laura Bush said this about Iraq:

"And many parts of Iraq are stable now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bombing a day that discourages everybody"

Just a couple of problems with that quote.

Number One: One bombing a day is too much. As I sit here typing they are flashing on CNN that a bomb in Ramadi just killed 18 kids playing soccer. Well Laura, at least now that the bombing du jour has happened were all safe for another 24 hours.

Oh except that leads me to point number 2. There is a lot more going on than one bombing a day:



So according to this figure (thanks to Thinkprogress.org) as of November 2006 there were on average 185 attacks a day by militias and insurgents. Ok, ill give it to Laura that not all of these attacks are technically "Bombings" so maybe she's right. Maybe back in October there were 184 snipings and only one bombing, and that's why the country is so stable.

But of course if you want to get technical there is of course this tidbit:

"The soccer field attack followed terrorist bombings in Baghdad at a popular ice cream shop, a parking lot and a restaurant that killed eight people and wounded 24 on Tuesday....

...

Tuesday's deadliest reported bombing took place in a popular ice cream shop in central Baghdad's mostly Shiite Karrada district. A suicide car bomber slammed into the shop, killing five people and wounding 10 others, according to an Interior Ministry official.

In the city's Tayaran Square, another bomber hid explosives inside a restaurant, where the blast killed two people and wounded eleven, the official said.

In a separate attack, Iraqi police said a car bomb blast Tuesday in a parking lot in the Karrada district killed one person and wounded three others."

Well that's definitely more than one a day.

So the truth is Iraq has gone to Shit. The next big question is how do Laura and George handle this?

BUSH:...we go to church. We exercise together, we watch movies together. We do all the other things that -- watch baseball on television, for instance -- that we both find relaxing.

KING: Do you -- do you talk about it a lot?

BUSH: We talk about it a lot. I mean, we live it.

Enjoy your baseball Laura, in the meantime Iraq has turned into a shit sandwich

***Headline in no way implies that anyone in the reality based community actually believes Iraq is stable. In fact 9 out of 10 reality based community members agree that Britney Spears is more stable than Iraq*

*No they don't I made that up.

Does Dubya Hate our Troops?

Being that we are in the middle of a war, might be starting another one with Iran, have a President who is trying to send 21,500 more soldiers into the conflict, and on the horizon is an estimated 26% increase in the number of soldiers who will require on-going medical care when they return from the Middle East, I would have wagered that Bush’s "balanced budget by 2012" proposal would include huge increases in spending for the Veterans Affairs Administration. Given that there has been an 83% increase in VA spending over the course of the Bush Presidency, surely further increases had to be assumed when the Administration submitted their plan, right? The budget needs balancing, but I’m sure that cuts to things like NIH and NPR would be where this balance would happen. Bush would never cut something as near and dear to his heart (and ours) as funding for the welfare of our troops, would he? Yep, I was wrong.

The budget proposal that the Bush Administration submitted to Congress includes cuts to VA spending for 2009 and 2010, and then freezes the budget at the 2010 level until 2012.

Everybody seems to recognize that this will not work. Politicians on either side of the aisle have decried the proposal as “impossible” and “absurd” given the recent history of steady increases in VA spending (and the little problem of the influx of troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan). When questioned about the cuts, White House budget office spokesman Sean Kevelighan, said that the proposed numbers "don't reflect any policy decisions. We'll revisit them when we do the (future) budgets." (To be read: "Silly you, we made up those numbers on an Arby's napkin.")

There are two options here. A.) George W. Bush hates our troops. Or more likely, B.) The Bush Administration made up a plan to balance the budget that they know cannot succeed. I kind of like how they did it. I think I will make my next budget the same way. “Well, I have $10 in the bank. I’ll write down here on this budget sheet that I will use that $10 to buy a jetliner. Look! I bought a jetliner with $10! Hooray.” Oh, imagine the world we could live in if budgets were made with fantasy math and pixie dust and the government gave everybody an apple pie just for being American.

*Thanks to Jenny for the tip.

German Babies LOVE America

Too Easy.

*Thanks to Bucket for the tip.