These Stories Are All True

The following three stories are unbelievable and did actually happen (sorry for all the animal stories but these are AWESOME):

• In Homer, Alaska, Gary and Terri Lyon looked outside their home and saw a 500-lb Grizzly bear killing a full grown MOOSE in their driveway. Gary had this to say about the grizzly (pun intended) scene: "She tore apart the chest cavity, ripped out the heart and ate it. It was like she knew that's what kept it alive." I hope to all heavens that someday I can witness something as awesome as this. They should have called in Jessica May to put some baby clothes on the moose carcass.
  

• In Lithuania, 3 drunk college students broke into a zoo, scaled a 10-foot fence to get into the giraffe cage and were immediately attacked by the 1.3 ton beast. I have never in my life heard of a giraffe attacking someone and what is it with drunk people breaking into zoos and getting into fights with the animals? I think I would like to see a giraffe fight a moose...or me. I'd be all "Hey floppy neck...whaddaya gonna do about it!"*

• This story is very tragic, but also a very good lesson. On Monday evening a New Britain, Connecticut man was killed while BATTLE DANCING his rival. Robert Stitt attempted a forward flip and landed on his head. He was later pronounced dead. Battle dancing is an informal competition where participants try to outdance each other. In my neighborhood we call these Dance Offs and I challenge my co-workers to them at least 4 times a day. I had no idea they were dangerous. I guess given this realization we should return to our previous method of settling disputes...fire extinguisher fighting. Don't get that crap in your eyes.

*Thanks to B.B. for the tip.