Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

I don't have time to make Tarable Idea Certificates for all of these so here's a run down on all things stupid:

• Congratulations Deana F. Jarrett, 54, of Redmond, Washington, you are the drunkest driver in the history of the State*! After 2 consecutive car accidents, Jarrett was pulled over by police who administered a breathalyzer test, revealing that her blood alcohol was .47, almost 6 times the legal limit (.08 in WA)! A check of the 356,000 tests on file with the Washington State Police showed that Deana F. Jarrett is in fact the drunkest driver on record! Congratulations Deana, I hope this award helps you woo a pretty girlfriend in prison!
  

• Paul White, 38, and Ryan Ogle, 25 of Pomona, California accidentally called the police while trying to send an urgent "911" code to their drug dealer. Police traced the call and dispatched an officer to investigate. When the officer arrived he found White and Ogle waiting patiently for their dealer...with a stolen car full of burglary tools. Genius. (p.s. I really can't believe this has happened twice.)

• At a campaign event in Summerville, S.C., Republican Presidential hopeful John McCain (who I used to like) answered a question about when the U.S. is going to send an "airmail message to Tehran" with a musical parody! McCain cleverly changed the words of the classic Beach Boys tune "Barbara Ann" to "Bomb Iran" and was greeted with laughter and cheers from the audience. More proof for my theory that America hasn't learned anything in the last 6 years and we are totally going to war with Iran. Sigh.

*Records only available since 1998.