If Loving Him is Wrong, I Don’t Want to Be Right

Some people love their families, some people love their country, and some people, people like me, love David Hasselhoff. Now I love that other stuff too, but David Hasselhoff is what really puts the cream in my coffee. I loved him when he was on Knight Rider, I LOVED him on Baywatch, Baywatch Nights, and Baywatch Hawaiian Wedding, I loved him when he was an international singing sensation (mostly just in Germany)…and the list goes on and on. He’s been in the news recently after being (reportedly) ejected from Wimbledon, injuring himself on a hotel bathroom chandelier, and joining the panel of judges on America’s Got Talent. All of his recent press has reignited my fantastic love and admiration for America’s favorite lifeguard.

At lunch today we got on the topic of David (who was at one time going to put together a rap album under the handle “Hassel the Hoff”. The album was to be produced by Ice-T…Ice-T denies being involved in such a project) and my friend asked if I had seen his new video. I hung my head in shame. David Hasselhoff is my hero, but I didn’t know he had been working on anything new. I rushed back to my desk and spent the last precious minutes of my lunch hour catching up with my old friend and what I found can only be described as MAGNIFICENT. I honestly and truly believe that if you don’t watch these clips, something will always be missing in your life. You might not realize it now, but one day you will wake up in a cold sweat...mind racing…did I lose my car keys? My wallet? Did I leave my infant at the supermarket? No. What is missing from your life is the HOFF.

If you could bottle the energy that radiates from these clips, you could eliminate the world’s dependence on oil, put an end to war and human suffering, end starvation, and bring rights and equality to all of earth’s citizens. We could all live happily ever after in Hasseltopia where everyone wears bikinis or leather pants and fishing boats full of people in wheelchairs never accidentally pull undetonated mines out of the ocean with their fishing nets causing the boat and everyone on it to explode. You owe it to your family, your god, your country, and yourself to watch these. Don’t let me down.*

Hooked on a Feeling

Jump In My Car

Secret Agent Man

*I was curious about how David Hasselhoff could afford such stellar music video production and promotion. I did some digging, and it turns out he is worth over $100,000,000 thanks to his Baywatch royalties. He could pay Germany to love him if he wanted...but he doesn't have to because he is awesome.