Sea Lions Eat People

Before any of you has a chance to write me and complain, yes, I know that we have done a lot of stories about animals acting crazy. It isn't our fault that animals keep doing uncharacteristically hilarious things (ie. sturgeon who hurl themselves at jet skiers, otters that attack women and attempt to drag them to their underwater lairs, and most recently, apes that pull fire alarms). This time, the animal in question is the ever dangerous sea lion. The sea lion in question lives in San Francisco and has attacked at least 14 people and driven another 10 from the water. So far, nobody has been seriously injured, but the city has closed down the swimming area to give the perpetrator a chance to relax and maybe leave. The part of the story that struck me is the reason that "scientists" are giving for such odd behavior: "Experts say the rogue sea lion could be protecting his harem of mates or might have brain damage from toxic algae."

I have a couple of questions. First, the sea lion has a harem? Interesting. Who knew that sea lions were the Hugh Hefners of the ocean?! Neat fact. I like to think about the dude sea lion sittin’ in his sea lion cave, in his sea lion smokin’ jacket, orderin’ bitches around. Second, and most importantly, the sea lion may have BRAIN DAMAGE FROM TOXIC ALGAE?!?!? Should people be swimming somewhere that toxic algae is making sea lions go so insane that they try to eat people? My training as an Aquatic Biologist says no, but my love of the FOX Network’s famous docu-drama “When Animals Attack” says… YES.