Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest

I don't have time to make Tarable Idea Certificates for all of these so here's a run down on all things stupid:

• Congratulations Deana F. Jarrett, 54, of Redmond, Washington, you are the drunkest driver in the history of the State*! After 2 consecutive car accidents, Jarrett was pulled over by police who administered a breathalyzer test, revealing that her blood alcohol was .47, almost 6 times the legal limit (.08 in WA)! A check of the 356,000 tests on file with the Washington State Police showed that Deana F. Jarrett is in fact the drunkest driver on record! Congratulations Deana, I hope this award helps you woo a pretty girlfriend in prison!
  

• Paul White, 38, and Ryan Ogle, 25 of Pomona, California accidentally called the police while trying to send an urgent "911" code to their drug dealer. Police traced the call and dispatched an officer to investigate. When the officer arrived he found White and Ogle waiting patiently for their dealer...with a stolen car full of burglary tools. Genius. (p.s. I really can't believe this has happened twice.)

• At a campaign event in Summerville, S.C., Republican Presidential hopeful John McCain (who I used to like) answered a question about when the U.S. is going to send an "airmail message to Tehran" with a musical parody! McCain cleverly changed the words of the classic Beach Boys tune "Barbara Ann" to "Bomb Iran" and was greeted with laughter and cheers from the audience. More proof for my theory that America hasn't learned anything in the last 6 years and we are totally going to war with Iran. Sigh.

*Records only available since 1998.

John McCain on Condoms: Uh, Well, Ur, Um....

John McCain doesn't know if condoms stop sexually transmitted disease. In fact he doesn't seem to know much of anything on this issue, or related ones.

Don't believe me. Check this puppy out. Seriously, go read it, it doesn't do justice to just read some snippets. You absolutely must read the whole story. It's ok. I'll wait.

For those of you who are too lazy to read the whole thing, here's the gist of it. While cruising on the Straight Talk Express (Yes, it's back in full force) McCain was asked if he believed condoms stop sexually transmitted diseases. His response? Pause, stumbling, grasping for words, followed by a "I've never gotten into these issues or thought much about them." He then asked an aide for a piece written by Senator Tom Coburn on this issue, so he could consult it for guidance only to find out that "we've lost it."

Seriously? Really? You don't know if condoms prevent STD's? I mean I'll give you some credit that condoms don't prevent all STD's (i.e. HPV) but I really am baffled as to why John McCain could not give a straight forward answer on this. Does he really not know? Or was he worried that saying that condoms do prevent STD's would anger religious conservatives who promote abstinence only policies?

Of course this story opens up to the broader story. That story being, "What the hell happened to John McCain?"

Remember in 2000 when McCain separated himself from the right-wing declaring individuals such as Jerry Falwell "Agent of Intolerance" only to declare last year (on Meet the Press):

RUSSERT: Do you believe that Jerry Falwell is still an agent of intolerance?

MCCAIN: No, I don’t. I think that Jerry Falwell can explain to you his views on this program when you have him on.

Wow. Any thoughts on this one?

Shocking Revelation by John McCain!

While speaking at a retirement community in South Carolina on Monday, John McCain had some not pretty things to say about Donald Rumsfeld's handling of the war in Iraq. McCain told the crowd of about 800 that "We are paying a very heavy price for the mismanagement-that's the kindest word I can give you-of Donald Rumsfeld, of this war...I think that Donald Rumsfeld will go down in history as one of the worst secretaries of defense in history."

Way to step up and point out the obvious John McCain. A little too late to make a difference in Iraq though, the damage there is pretty much done. I guess better late than never and this way it is "new material" when he uses it to fire up crowds at pre-primary campaign rallies!