Perfect Revenge

E-bay Sellers beware!

If you are out there to scam someone by selling them a computer that does not work, make sure you delete all of your gay porn before sending it to your victim.

Thomas Sawyer of Exeter, England paid a few hundred pounds to Amir Tofangsazan for a laptop. Only one problem it was a laptop that did not work.

However what he was able to retrieve from that computer were numerous "leg shots" of unwilling women, some random gay porn, and other interesting stuff. Pissed at the fact he was sold a defective computer, Mr. Sawyer published all of this information about Mr Tofangsazan on a HILARIOUS BLOG

WARNING: Although mostly tame, this blog is perhaps NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK.

We should all be inspired by Mr Sawyer.

When Good Lookers are Do Gooders

FINALLY


FINALLY



FINALLY!




So i stumbled across my new most favorite charity that I think all fans to the GTB should get behind. The Model Home Project. Now don't be confused this is not a charity to build "model homes" but rather a charity where MODELS are building homes!

I dont know about you but I'm not sure if after a hurricane I'd wan't Kate Moss putting up my wall. In fact If i'd just lost my house, I don't think i'd want Kate Moss doing much of anything. Scratch that, even if I didn't lose my house I don't think i'd want Kate around.

But regardless we can all benefit by checking out the The Model Home Project to objectify some hotties (go to event photos!).

A safer world?

NUMBER OF TERROR ATTACKS PER YEAR

September 11th, 2006: The world is safer because because Saddam Hussein is no longer in power (George W. Bush)

Hmm.....Really?

Sorry Bucket, got all political.

*Source: www.tkb.org

"Excuse me sir, but you look fairy much like Donny Osmond!"

There is no story to be told here. Donny Osmond is playing the evil villain Gaston in the Broadway production of "Beauty and the Beast". A reader submitted this photo for our consideration and we considered it hilarious enough to share. Congrats to Donny Osmond on not being dead and successfully pulling off this season's hottest trend, skinny pants and slouchy boots.

*Thanks to Bucket for the tip.

The Hoff in Hot Water…And Not the Good Kind Found in Jacuzzis

The Hoff is in trouble and I don’t know what to think about it. My natural inclination would be to help The Hoff because he is awesome, but he really has gotten himself into a doozey of a pickle this time. The Hoff called police to report that his daughter (The Hoff Jr., who is under the care of estranged wife of The Hoff) had “cut” herself in an apparent suicide attempt. Rumors are now surfacing that The Hoff Jr. didn’t cut herself, rather she was scratched by the family cat and The Hoff just called the police so they would go and bother estranged wife of The Hoff. Reportedly, The Hoff made the call to police and then promptly boarded a plane to a film festival without seeing The Hoff Jr.

The most interesting part of this story is that estranged wife of The Hoff says that when she called The Hoff to tell him about The Hoff Jr. being cut by the family cat, The Hoff Jr. was crying uncontrollably and estranged wife of The Hoff suggested that maybe they should take The Hoff Jr. to see a psychologist the next day…over a cat scratch?

Unlike The Hoff’s incredible popularity in Germany (which is completely logical and reasonable) this story doesn’t add up. We should all write to our Senators and Congress persons to get The Hoff’s name cleared!*

*No charges or anything have been filed but an assault on the character of The Hoff is an assault on America.

Justin Timberlake is the (uni)BOMB(er)

In keeping with GTB tradition, we have identified another famous celebrity who is in fact, in all liklihood the same person as the Unibomber. That said, the unibomber in his pop sensation style does manage to pull off a certain level of hotness not accomplished in his previous carnation; the crazy murderous domestic terrorist. So the GTB gives a bravo to this wonderful transformation.

*thanks to towleroad.com for this tip off!

And Today's Winner Is....

A car dealership in Ohio is the recipient of today's "Tara-ble Idea Award"*. The winning idea was a promotional campaign that sought to reel in buyers with a commercial where the dealership declares "Jihad on the American Auto Market!". To continue with the theme, children who came shopping with their parents would be given plastic swords, and best of all, every Friday would be "Fatwa Friday" featuring special deals and discounts! After a "deluge" of complaints and an edict from the Mitsubishi Motors Company, the dealer has agreed to pull the commercial. Culturally offensive advertising campaigns...a truly Tara-ble idea.

*The "Tara-ble Idea Award" is a new feature of the GTB honoring ideas that have a certain Tara Reid essence about them. There is no monetary prize associated with this award. The only criterion is that and idea be a blatantly bad one. If would like to nominate an idea, please contact us (currently the best way to do that is to post a comment in the comments section).

Aaron Carter Disengages

Sadly, Aaron Carter has called off his weeklong publicity stunt for his new show...er...engagement. He has referred to his decision to propose to short term girlfriend Kari Ann Peniche (CNN refers to her as an actress so I've included a link to her filmography, here) as "hasty". Maybe he thinks that his smoldering good looks and lack of talent could nab him someone hotter than a Playboy Playmate? Or maybe he realized it is ok to date your brother's sloppy seconds, but you don't march her down the aisle. If a champ like Nick broke up with her (rather than just smacking her around until she does what he wants her to do), she must be damaged goods.

I hate the Carters, but I can't wait to see their train wreck of a TV show.

I'm the Leprechaun!

I didn’t know it was possible, but Michael Jackson has thought of a new and exciting way to frighten children. Whacko Jacko is in talks with “businessmen” to pull together the $635 MILLION he’ll need to open a Leprechaun inspired theme park in Ireland. Having accidentally seen the movie “The Leprechaun” when I was just a wee lass (of 13), the idea of an entire theme park full of them makes me crap my pants. I have a feeling that this was probably how Jackson pitched the idea, “I’m thinking of opening a theme park. And the theme park will be full of leprechauns. And the leprechauns in the park will be played by child actors. And the child actors will have a dressing room so they can put on their leprechaun clothes. And I’ll be in charge of overseeing that dressing room.” Now THAT is magically delicious!

*Thanks to Bucket for the tip.

There Goes My Plan for the Weekend

My hopes for a nice Saturday of flying to China, getting SUPER drunk, heading for the zoo, hopping the fence into a Panda enclosure, and giving said Panda a big ole’ huggy snuggle were smashed recently when I discovered that a Chinese man had already tried to do the exact same thing and nearly lost his leg. When the incredibly drunk man hopped the fence to hug a sleeping panda, the panda awoke and, shockingly, attacked him (maybe they don’t have FOX TV in China, since we know that FOX shows ‘When Animals Attack’ at least 56 times a year). The incredibly intelligent man bit the panda back. The two went back and forth like this until zoo officials doused the panda with water. From his hospital bed, the man defended himself with my favorite excuse and yours “they seemed really nice on TV.”*

Thanks to Bucket for the tip!

*This quote has been paraphrased. His actual quotes were actually way more ridiculous.

Clay Aiken Gets New Hairstyle, Comes Out as Not Gay, Probably

Clay Aiken is sporting a new look and speaking out about the rumors swirling around his sexual orientation. You may remember awhile back there were a couple people who claimed to have had internet affairs with Aiken and provided the tabloids with some naughty photos taken and supposedly transmitted by Aiken’s webcam. The American Idol star claims this wasn’t him at all, merely someone who looks a lot like him. The new hairstyle will certainly separate the real Clay Aiken from his gay internet doppelganger and hopefully put the rumors (and lawsuits by his teenaged female fans who feel they were duped into believing they had a chance with the superstar) to bed (pun intended). Here’s what the singing sensation told People Magazine about the controversy:

"What do you say (to that question)? … It's like when I was 8. I remember something would get broken in the house, and Mom and Dad would call me in and say, 'Did you do this?' Well, it didn't matter what I said. The only thing they would believe was yes. … People are going to believe what they want."

Now, he didn’t say that he isn’t gay, but with a haircut like that, how could he be?

Aaron Carter is ENGAGED!

It is unbelievable, but true. My favorite Carter, and yours, 18 year old Aaron, is engaged...to a Playboy Playmate. The soon to be blushing bride, Kari Ann Peniche, formerly dated Aaron's older brother Nick (the one who beat up Paris Hilton) and was formerly Miss Teen USA 2003 (before being stripped of her crown for posing in Playboy).

This sounds like a match made in heaven. I imagine that Aaron climbed into the SUV of romance, ran over Kari Ann's soul, and set the mattress of her heart on fire.

Cheers to the happy couple!

Young Republican Hung out to Dry

Today, I feel bad for Morgan Wilkins. All she wanted to do was raise awareness on the issue of illegal immigration and shoot up some cardboard cut outs of prominent Democrats. She is a lover of politics, but unfortunately she didn’t hear that you don’t attach the GOP’s good name to anything that could be considered racist in the 2-3 months leading up to a crucial mid-term election when your party is dangerously close to losing control of Congress.

As an “independent contractor” for the College National Republicans, Wilkins was planning a fun afternoon of gaming on the campus of the University of Michigan. Participants could win prizes for catching people dressed as illegal immigrants or shooting paintballs at cardboard cut outs of Hillary Rodham Clinton and John Kerry. Unfortunately, the fun was ruined with outcries of “that’s racist, divisive, and violent!” (which it is, but that isn’t my point). The RNC has spoken out to distance itself from this event and from it’s organizer, Morgan Wilkins saying that the event “"has no affiliation with the Republican National Committee, and (they) certainly condemn this kind of behavior. It's offensive and there's no place for it."

Poor Morgan Wilkins must have thought that since the University of North Texas and Penn State had attempted the “Illegal Immigrant Game” without comment from the RNC, it must be a Republican sanctioned event. Alas, Howard Dean heard about her game and sent a letter to the RNC, who denied all knowledge of her existence, her political aspirations were crushed. I guess no one ever told her that there are only 3 things that can end a young girl’s political career: Getting caught with a dead boy, a live girl, or planning an even that can be misconstrued as racist during a crucial mid-term election year.

More and More Likely That Fergie is Michael Jackson

I know that here at the GTB we make a lot of claims about "double-life conspiracies", and most of them are bogus, but this one you should really think about. Fergie and Michael Jackson might be the same person. I have no evidence to support this other than the striking resemblance and the fact that they were both part of popular bands before going on to pursue solo careers. They also both like to shake (Fergie, her ass, and Jackson, his children...off of balconies...in Germany).

Paris Hilton Drinks and Drives

Early this morning, Paris Hilton was arrested for drunk driving in Los Angeles. Now, I pretty much assume that Paris Hilton is always drunk, but I might be wrong since, according to her publicist, she had only had one drink yesterday evening and that one drink impaired her ability to drive and put her over the legal blood alcohol limit. If one drink gets her drunk enough to swerve all over the road, maybe 2 drinks gets her drunk enough to make a sex tape with Rick Solomon? Maybe 3 drinks makes her think she is a ROCK STAR? What does 4 drinks do? The world may never know.

I'll keep you posted if her mugshot shows up on the web...which it will and I cannot wait.

Bush In the News and I'm Confused

President Bush has been in the news more than usual the last few days and there are so many things he needs to address that it is hard to keep track of what is being said about what. Here is what I have been able to decipher:

We are safer, but not safe yet, but we will be safer when we move the terror detainees from the secret prisons that do exist, but used to exist or not exist, to Gitmo where they won't be tortured because of the American laws preventing torture that the President signed into law while attaching a codicil that said he could ignore them. Did I get that right? The only thing I'm sure of is that we are fighting something called the War on Terror which is or is not the War in Iraq because the War on Terror has something to do with 9/11 and Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 but they did back when we said they did . As near as I have been able to figure, the War on Terror will be won when democracy prevails in the Middle East as long as they don't elect people we think are terrorists, fascists, communists, or socialists, any of which is a real possibility.

Since I really don’t have the time or patience to sort it all out and I’m having a hard time believing anything the leaders of our country say these days (Dems, Repubs, Indies, all of them), I plan to vote for Katherine Harris. I’m going to write her in for every open office in Maryland because: A.) Nobody likes her and her lack of support = lack of allegiance to any of the bad ideas currently floating about. B.) I love her fashion sense, and C.) at least I know she won't legislate sin.

The Man Behind the Monster

Everybody loves Elmo because Elmo is the best. So I want you to stop and close your eyes and picture what you think the man behind the magic of Elmo looks like. Ok, do you have a mental image? Well, you are wrong. The voice of Elmo is done by this guy. Kevin Clash. Who has written a book detailing his life as the voice of Elmo. I for one think I will read it. I am interested to see if he mentions anything about that toy that came out where Elmo says "Who wants to Die?" instead of "Who wants to try to go potty?"

*Thanks to Captain Adventure for the tip.

Brazilian Parking Violation Penalties...Maybe a bit Harsh?

A Brazilian parking attendant is in jail today, charged with murdering and dismembering a woman he found parking illegally. The illegal parking happened awhile back, but the attendant waited until he saw her come into the neighborhood again, followed her home, killed her and cut her in half. Is it me, or does that seem a tad excessive? I've been towed quite a few times for leaving my car places I shouldn't. If I lived in Brazil, I'd be dead and dismembered like 4 times over and THEN what would YOU read to waste time at your job???